NOT MILK

Ah, Monica Lewinsky. The raven-haired vixen who almost brought down a sitting president. Or, should that be "went down on a sitting president?" Either way, she represents an simpler, and more innocent time. Wait, scratch that last sentence. Let me try again. Monica the young lady who proved that even if you can't grow up to be president, if you play your cards right, maybe you will grow up to blow the president. Hmm. Don't think that last one would work in a Middle School Social Studies Textbook. Definitely not in Texas, anyway.

In all seriousness, I'm surprised more attention hasn't been paid to the possibility that Monica Lewinsky was a GOP plant. Remember that hideous woman who Monica confessed all to? Wasn't she a Republican? It just makes sense. The Republicans were desperate to destroy Bill Clinton ahead of the 2000 presidential election. They knew they couldn't run on the economy because it was running strong. The country was at peace, and Al Gore would have a solid record of accomplishment to run on.

But, Gore instead ran away from that record as fast as he could. Because that's what his harpy of a wife told him to do. Tipper Gore was oh so outraged at the Monica Lewinsky scandal that she told Al Gore to distance himself from Clinton during the campaign. As well, Gore picked someone who was quite possibly the worst running mate imaginable in the person of Joe Lieberman. Supposedly, the so-called "conscience of the Senate" would help erase the stains of the Clinton presidency from the voter's minds. What he ended up doing was costing Gore a half-dozen or more states.

Even with all of that, Al Gore still won the fucking election. But, it ended up being close enough for the bastards to steal it.